Aliens! UFOs! The Future of Rates!

This is going to sound really nuts but please stick with me and just hear what I have to say, Mortgage Fans. Y’know all those mysterious drone sightings out east? Well, it’s been happening here in Chicago as well! There was one outside my bedroom window that woke me up in the middle of the night and when I went to the window to check it out It ‘zapped’ me from my room and I ended up on a spaceship with a bunch of aliens. My therapist and attorney have told me not to write about the probing they did to my body because they said it wouldn’t be good for business to talk about the violations I experienced, but they did say it was okay to write about what the aliens told me about the future. And let me just tell you….. OMG - IT’S INSANE!!!! They took me many light years into the future, and then on the way home we stopped for a bathroom break 40 years into future where I found this blog I wrote and published on January 29^th, 2065. So… instead of posting this week’s blog, I thought I might as well share with you how things are going to look 40 years from today.

Future Quote of the Day: “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker

Today in History: It was on this date in 2049 when China collected on what we owed them. At the time,China – America’s largest foreign creditor - owned 2.6% of U.S bonds and wanted to cash those in. Without the money to pay them, President Taylor Swift offered them unlimited DNA from Beyoncé’s clone as well as the state of Idaho which was promptly renamed Chidaho!

Interest Rate Update: Remember back in the 2020s when people used to complain about rates in the 6-7% range? Hi-larious!!! Today they can be found at 29.9% which is a heck of a lot better than the 40% from just a few years ago. I guess the bigger question; Do we even care? With 100yr fixed mortgages the payments aren’t that high, and your grandkids will be the ones to pay off your kitchen remodel. As usual rates will vary based on type of home, equity in the home, your DNA-credit score, and if you want to know fun Panama Canal facts before it dried up.

Announcements: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac announced earlier this month that they will not offer loans on floating mansions (Sorry Kardashians!). This all stems from Allstate and State Farm saying they will not offer comet collision insurance anymore. What else is being discontinued? Time-Travel Mortgages. Need a down payment but short on cash? You used to be able to borrow this from your future self by using a quantum mortgage but that got messy and now lawyers are cleaning up since the SCS said it’s okay for ‘You v. You’ to move forward. (*SCS is the newly formed Supreme Court sponsored by Skyrizi). And finally, Fannie & Freddie are considering going back to the old credit scoring system as opposed to being pre-approved based on your DNA. In my opinion I think this is the right thing to do because I’ve had borrowers denied recently because they carried a gene for risk-taking, and just last month I had borrowers complain to me that the genetic counseling being forced on them shouldn’t be part of their closing costs.

Don’t Forget to Remember: This Saturday night be sure to set your clocks ahead three hours as part of the Double Daylight’s Savings Time. (*I know, I miss when we only had one sun and one moon too).

Future Quote of the Day 2: “If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?” – Will Ferrell

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Timeout for Trivia: (*Note to Mortgage Fans: I’m posting this question exactly how it appeared on 1/29/25 because the answer to the 1/29/65 trivia is Zeus Commando (lead singer of the boy band Slice of Nice) who has not been born yet.) Congrats to those who guessed Caitlin Clark last week! Want to be entered into a drawing to win a Lady Gaga Meat Dress T-shirt? Simply email me the answer to this week’s Who Am I? question. Good luck: “It’s my birthday today and while I was born in 1970, some would say I got my license in the late 80s. Some eight years later I had a small but memorable part/dance scene in a movie with a future Iron Man director, and a year after that I starred in a movie with the one and only Dirk Diggler! Maybe that movie was what led to my role in a 2009 movie that apparently I’m one of the only ones to remember (go back to the office, Ed)! Okay, those last two movies I talk about there may have been some copulating, so let’s add one more of my movies (1999) I starred in where it’s actually in the title. What would the British call it?”

The Adieu Mortgage Haiku:

Enjoy today’s rates

The future might be crazy

Buy your dream today

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